Questioning love.

Don’t pretend to be strong, become strong!

Did he leave you for another woman? Did he leave without an explanation? Did he leave you in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night? Did he cheat on you? Did he never look back? Did he hit you? Did he mentally damage you? Did he take away everything you had and leave you with a broken house and no where to go? Did he lie? Did he stab you in the back and tell you he loved you? Did he console you and hurt you at the same time? Did he swear to never leave and not come back tomorrow? Did he not take a stand for you? Did he choke you till you learnt to be alive while dying?

What did he do that got you here? What was it that made your chest ache and throat dry because if he did do any of these things, I wonder why you let him affect you even today.
Heartbreak much?

18.19, A story.

I don’t know how many people are going to read this but I feel like going on. I know there are a lot of places you guys can go to get an inside of your emotions or find someone who listens but I know for some of you out there, there is no place to go to. I was there once upon a time, I started this blog because I didn’t want someone else to end up like me, dumbed and cheated on with thoughts of ending my life, going from size 0 to size 6. If it makes you feel any better, I was cheated on by 4 and dumbed for someone else by 8 but for some reason I didn’t give up. I still wanted to explore no matter how messed up I got. I never cried for sympathy in fact, all of this made me more of an asshole or bitch but not to hurt anyone, just to never get hurt.

Today, I can’t cry even when my chest feels heavy and throat feels dry, I end up sitting on my bed staring into blank space or watching a sad movie but nothing works. If you think you want this inability to cry, trust me, you are wrong. I am in my early 20’s and I feel like I am an over accomplished person when it comes to heartbreaks and emotional pain.

I want to be the anonymous listener who understands and helps, that I never had.

 

Jealousy or Ignorance

Why is it that even after a break up, we want attention from our ex, we never tell them the whole story if we have made a mistake, I feel it is because we are scared to lose them but what we don’t realise in the moment is that we can’t lose something that we have already lost so why try and hold on to something that is dead?

We try so hard to make our ex jealous but for what? You know what will kill them more than jealousy, is to live in ignorance. Think about it, wouldn’t curiosity kill you, so why not them? It’s the same either way.

While you sit and hate every person they meet, why give them the right to know who you are meeting? while you build hate, they will build curiosity and at the end of it all, what better option do they have than to ask you and that’s when you will get your answers from them, not by making them jealous and pushing them further away.

Heartbreak much?

How many of you are going through a horrible break up? When you sit up all night either crying or trying to cry. When you feel all alone, like you have so many people but no one to talk to and ending your life seems like the perfect escape or for some it would be drinking, rebounds, smoking or even smoking up but how long can that escape last? A few hours or maybe days but then again at the end of the day, you are back to square one. The thought of seeing your ex with someone else kills you but you can’t do anything about it.

All these things and many more hurt so much, you can’t even express what you are going through but have you ever thought about it differently? Don’t worry, I wont write some philosophical bullshit. I will ask you a question or rather give you a task, think about the one person you would hate to see your ex with and then imagine being better than them, would you still feel half as bad as you do right now? And maybe you will feel horrible after that but what if you are not alone in this emotional fight, what if you don’t feel anything anymore but are still alive, wouldn’t that be just about perfect?

I can’t tell you everything will be okay because I don’t know your story but what I can tell you is that things will be better and if someone like me can stand up, every one of you can!

Loving Pain

Loving pain, I chose this name for all those who have been fired or are heartbroken or are having family problems. This is to let you know, there are people out there who understand what you are feeling. I myself have been facing problems but I have learnt to grow inert to the pain and rather enjoy every tragic moment.