18.19, A story.

I don’t know how many people are going to read this but I feel like going on. I know there are a lot of places you guys can go to get an inside of your emotions or find someone who listens but I know for some of you out there, there is no place to go to. I was there once upon a time, I started this blog because I didn’t want someone else to end up like me, dumbed and cheated on with thoughts of ending my life, going from size 0 to size 6. If it makes you feel any better, I was cheated on by 4 and dumbed for someone else by 8 but for some reason I didn’t give up. I still wanted to explore no matter how messed up I got. I never cried for sympathy in fact, all of this made me more of an asshole or bitch but not to hurt anyone, just to never get hurt.

Today, I can’t cry even when my chest feels heavy and throat feels dry, I end up sitting on my bed staring into blank space or watching a sad movie but nothing works. If you think you want this inability to cry, trust me, you are wrong. I am in my early 20’s and I feel like I am an over accomplished person when it comes to heartbreaks and emotional pain.

I want to be the anonymous listener who understands and helps, that I never had.

 

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